I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
