Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
