his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Reggie can tackle my bush.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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