Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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