WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
