Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
