dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
