I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
