Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
