Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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