It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
