thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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