After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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