He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
