Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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