not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
