Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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