im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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