i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
