Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
