i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
