I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
