whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've blown a few things in my day
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
