Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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