Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
