I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's like iHOP with fire
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
