I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
