we're chasing vodka with high fives
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your cock deserves a montage
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
