dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
