Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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