I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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