I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
