i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
