I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
did i just pee glitter
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
