i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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