i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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