We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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