there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
