It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
