walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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