you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
