hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
