i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
