So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
