I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
