I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize