I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
