where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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