I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
