im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
