when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
