LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
