I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
