We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I intend to get homeless drunk
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
