I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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