I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
True college students do jello shots in the library
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
