I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
