If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize