Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
