Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
