YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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