Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
