i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
