singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
