My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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