so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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