so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we're making bets on your personal life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
